sallow and anesthetized

Smiles meaning nothing
The air seemed to sting,
For nothing is empty,
But nothing is full, only
Transparencies of what should have been,
And what cannot be; the air is heavy,
Seemed to weigh on you, while the poison
You hold so dear, as though she
Were a sister, a lover, a friend kisses your lips---but
There are no companions reeling in delight,
Laughing in pain at all the days spent trying
To find solace in ineptitude, comfort in inability
To even out the circumstances, to run against the waves,
Reminding the center that there is no soul to search for,
Only loss to be reminded of, over and over again.